Christian Dating Advisor proudly presents e-Lesson #23:
Instant Messaging and/or online chat is the nature progression from message/e-mail exchange. In fact, a lot of people skip the e-mail exchange and go straight to Instant Messaging and/or chat. It's a great way to get to know the person but at the same time, it's not as scary as the phone. It still gives you a bit of time to think about what you're going to say.Most of the major dating sites offer some kind of Instant Messaging system... but don't just rush into it. Here are some ground rules that will make sure your instant messaging and/or chat experience is a success.
#1. Read their profile before you initiate contact
In order to make sure that your first contact with your "prospective" is engaging and interesting it's a good idea to read their profile and know find something specific and interesting about them. This is what you'll start the conversation with.
For example, if they mention that they enjoy rowing and you've rowed before as well, it's a great idea to start off by introducing yourself and mentioning that fact.
Even if there's nothing in common between you two, no worries. Just find something that interests you and ask them a question about it.
#2: Don't talk too Much: Keep it light and brief
This is very important.
Have you ever been on a plane next to someone who just wouldn't stop talking? Instant Messaging is sort of like that. Remember that Instant Messaging is a real live conversation with someone, it's just not face to face.
So, like in real life, your sentences should be short and sweet, and at the same time interesting...how do you do that?
It should be a lot of conversation style questions and comments.
For example: "How are ya?...Got plans for the weekend?...How was your weekend?...How's work going?...What's your church like?...Are you involved in any ministries at church?..."
As far as answering questions...keep your responses fairly short but specific. Give enough detail to fully answer the question but don't go overboard. Answering questions is also a great way to show off your sense of humour. After you answer the question, bounce another one their way. This will keep the conversation rollin'.
#3: Compliment if you can
Men and Women both love receiving compliments (especially women). But this can also be a quick turn off if done incorrectly. A beautiful woman knows she's beautiful...it's important to find somewhat creative compliments and it's also important to be subtle. You want to sort of slip in the compliments.
For example...
Instead of saying "You're so beautiful..."
Say "I'm just looking at your picture. You have nice eyes, are they green?"
You could also compliment them on something they've written in their profile or something they've said during the conversation.
For example...
Say "I think that's awesome that you work with special needs kids. That must take a lot of patience and energy."
Here are some "safe" things to compliment people on:
Hair, eye-color, smile, what they do, where they work, their church ministries...etc
It may sound obvious, but try to avoid commenting on "body shape" in any way shape or form (pardon the pun).
#4. Know when to make your exit
Be the one who ends the conversation ( a little on the early side). This is very important.
First of all you don't want to keep the person too long. You can talk with the person again, you don't have to cover everything the first time you chat.
In fact, you want to end the conversation on the early side. It's sort of like quitting while you're ahead. If the conversation is rollin', that's great but you want to end it before things start to slow down and get uncomfortable.
It leaves the person wanting more, it makes you sound mysterious and it makes it seem like you have a life outside of dating sites and instant messaging.
So...how do you end the conversation gracefully? How about this:
"Hey Jen, sorry to cut things short, but I gotta run. It's been great chatting with you. I'd love to it again. .."
You don't even have to say why you need to leave. It makes it more mysterious :)
If after a few chats you find yourself still interested in the person, it's time to take it too the next level...
How do you transition to a phone call conversation?
Simple, during the end of a conversation try saying something like:
"Hey, I gotta run but would you like to exchange numbers? As you can tell, I'm a slow typer and we could probably get a lot more covered on the phone."
And hold your breath and hope for the best :)
In the next lesson we'll discuss some great tips for the first phone call.
Until the next lesson ,
John and Leanne Morris
Your Christian dating coaches